🇬🇧 Master Your Emotions Before They Master You – The Leadership Skill Every Leader Needs

00:00:03: You're pissed.

00:00:04: Your furious, you are angry!

00:00:06: You disappointed?

00:00:07: You scared?

00:00:08: You feel fear.

00:00:09: and all of these emotions Are absolutely human and understandable And you should have them but never allow them to take control over your behavior.

00:00:17: What do they actually do?

00:00:18: So the simple formula is name it, pause it, choose It.

00:00:26: Hello and welcome today's Lightwolf Leadership Podcast.

00:00:30: Great that you're dialing in on a very special and very human deeply human topic.

00:00:37: It's all about emotion.

00:00:39: The title is Master Your Emotions Before They Master You, the essential leadership skill that every leader needs.

00:00:53: I don't know how you experience emotions at your workplace in yourself In your boss In your team and people around you.

00:01:04: Emotons are valuable signals but poor guides.

00:01:10: Great leadership shows under pressure, not in smooth sailing.

00:01:16: It's easy to lead well when everything works but it is decisive and crucial that we lead well When the going gets tough.

00:01:30: You may know these moments A customer walks away.

00:01:36: Maybe your boss criticizes someone In public If it's not you who gets criticized.

00:01:44: It is even more embarrassing if its yourself!

00:01:47: A team member reporting to you fails deliver for the third time in a row The board dismisses months of work.

00:01:57: You are pissed, furious and angry.

00:02:00: You're disappointed, scared or feel fear And all these emotions Are absolutely human and understandable And should have them But you should never allow them to take control over your behavior.

00:02:14: What do actually?

00:02:15: Do right?

00:02:16: the problem is not your emotions It's how you respond to them.

00:02:23: great leadership means Recognizing emotions without letting them take control of a your behavior.

00:02:34: This moment always reminds me of something that's in fact, they're little joke Yeah but find it really nice and works even better in German, but let me try it in English as well.

00:02:44: I don't get worked up.

00:02:45: Other people work me

00:02:47: out.".

00:02:48: So it's completely denying any responsibility for getting upset yourself, It is always the others that are responsible and accountable to upsetting me!

00:03:01: I love this joke or... ...it also reminds of a nice car ride ahead on a motorway in Europe the other day When we came by a gas station, and he stopped.

00:03:16: And as in many of those gas stations there was a shop attached to the gas station... ...and that was a cup entitled In The Next Life I'll Do Something Without Idiots!

00:03:29: My thinking is what an arrogant attitude of this person who thinks like this?

00:03:35: I still burst into laughter because i thought What a funny attitude but it's infact just symptomatic also that I laugh about it.

00:03:44: It's symptomatic of the truth behind it, right?

00:03:48: And i do experience a couple problems around emotion at work place.

00:03:55: for example you react before you think yeah...it happens and try to avoid.

00:04:04: but it happens too me as well.

00:04:07: there is trigger makes angry.

00:04:11: I draft and maybe even send a harsh email to defend, to diffuse...to attack.

00:04:21: To justify And i share a rushed decision rather than smart considered thought.

00:04:28: Let me show you an example.

00:04:31: Stefan was just twenty six A young marketing assistant in an outstanding global company.

00:04:38: He worked at the business unit on baby care and I continue to love the brand because i love kids.

00:04:43: And, um...I used to work in the paper industry so I feel connected to the brand from two angles.

00:04:50: As a young assistant I was responsible for one of the bigger innovations of the coming business year.

00:04:56: I write an email to the multifunctional team and get a response form our logistics experts including the words pallet stability or palette instability Risk of delaying the launch and I go like, oh.

00:05:13: I'm scared because there was cinema in my mind that starts with those two words And i'm getting worried That I might be responsible for a delayed launch or For an instable palette and product falling on People In retail stores which by The way never happened but that Was what I had in My Mind?

00:05:36: I was Scared.

00:05:37: So my emotion controlled my reaction because I drafted an email and then sent it.

00:05:42: And in the second after sending, I felt relieved.

00:05:45: but already three seconds after sending...I went like, ah!

00:05:48: I'm not sure whether that's a good idea?

00:05:50: Anyway..it was out and nothing really happened cause i was surrounded by experienced outstanding professionals which were all over the place at this outstanding company that there is a space between my emotion and my reaction.

00:06:07: What matters, it's the space between them – between trigger & response.

00:06:13: Leadership starts there!

00:06:16: Another problem is your emotions are contagious.

00:06:21: I am going to kick off an international leadership development program.

00:06:26: We are running it with a couple in our team, so three of our coaches self included will deliver the trainings.

00:06:33: that behind-the-team is already busy helping communicating designing communication material before during and after the workshops And i really look forward.

00:06:43: one thing potentially ill do again which is I'll ask one of the participants to just send up and give me her or his hand.

00:06:52: What i'm gonna do then, put my hands on top of hers' hand And what's very likely that will happen?

00:07:03: Why?

00:07:04: Because humans mirror human behavior Always!

00:07:08: So let us use this insight Let make sure we send our right behaviour.

00:07:15: A nervous CEO creates a nervous leadership team.

00:07:19: An aggressive leader creates a defensive or even an aggressive team around him, a hectic leader creates an environment where everyone thinks well.

00:07:30: every little problem becomes the major crisis but calm confident clarity is contagious too.

00:07:38: that's reassuring inside here.

00:07:41: so Let's make sure we send the right signals.

00:07:45: We sent the right emotions and sometimes ask ourselves as leaders, what emotion am I bringing to the room?

00:07:53: Right now!

00:07:54: And a final problem i sometimes observe in our leadership development or even strategy development work with clients is some people think that emotional control means to suppress emotions... ...and I completely disagree.

00:08:12: Emotional control is not to suppress emotions.

00:08:17: Thoughts from the last millennium, like don't show fear stay composed Don't show anger.

00:08:27: I think they are wrong.

00:08:28: Emotions provide valuable information.

00:08:32: Anger means there was a boundary crossed.

00:08:36: Fear means There Is A risk perceived and fear can help us prevent fatal risks.

00:08:46: Disappointment means there is an unmet need and unmet expectation, all of them may be helpful for us if we read them right or show the right reaction to emotion.

00:08:59: but you always should keep in mind emotions are signals not instructions for action.

00:09:08: I'd like share with three tips Name it, pause it.

00:09:18: Choose it.

00:09:19: Tip number one – name the emotion.

00:09:24: What am I really feeling?

00:09:26: Am i feeling disappointed?

00:09:28: Afraid Angry Hurt?

00:09:32: What is it?

00:09:33: Naming the emotion can help you create distance and enables to choose a conscious response rather than showing an emotional reaction.

00:09:45: Distance can help you choose your response.

00:09:48: So name it before you act on it to pause It.

00:09:54: create space.

00:09:56: Create space both from a room perspective and time perspective.

00:10:03: Take a break breathe.

00:10:06: Let oxygen flow into your blood.

00:10:09: breathing.

00:10:12: Breathing calmly reduces your blood pressure your pulse, gets more oxygen into your brain and improves you're thinking quality.

00:10:21: So breathe.

00:10:22: drink some water.

00:10:25: an outstanding leadership program I participated in twenty seven years ago created a habit of my life which is always have a glass of water inside because only when i can see it am i reminded actually drinking it.

00:10:44: so drink Water.

00:10:47: Ask questions instead of responding to an interpretation, right?

00:10:52: One off the other things I took away from this fantastic leadership program beyond drinking water as a habit was The insight that i'm never Responding To reality!

00:11:03: I thought for a long time That I respond to reality.

00:11:07: In This Program I learned...I Never respond to Reality.

00:11:12: I always respond to my own interpretation of my own perception in my own brain.

00:11:18: That's what i respond too and My interpretation goes through many, many filters like my gender ,my age, my skin color, my religion and any others And typically Anger is just a result of misunderstanding not always but often so we should Not allow emotions to take control over our behavior.

00:11:38: create a pause step away If you're furious about someone or something, draft an email but do not press the send button.

00:11:49: Draft it and save it!

00:11:52: And whenever I've done this in my life typically an hour later or latest next morning... The anger was gone and i didn't need to send the e-mail any longer.

00:12:01: So pause it.

00:12:05: Drink water Breathe Reflect.

00:12:09: What is the right thing?

00:12:12: to do.

00:12:13: Once I'm no longer angry, hurt or afraid.

00:12:17: so that's tip number two pause it and create space.

00:12:21: And tip number three choose it.

00:12:24: Choose your response consciously Don't ask What do i want?

00:12:30: To get off my chest.

00:12:31: leadership is not about relieving you but what impact Do I want to have on others ?

00:12:37: Do I Want to clarify accountability ,do I want them to take accountability for action, activity development or result.

00:12:47: What do I want them to take accountability for?

00:12:50: Clarity Do i Want To Create Clarity ?

00:12:53: Do I Want To Earn Other People's Trust ?

00:12:56: Do i want to set a clear boundary what is the impact i want and then choose your behavior accordingly so that you achieve The Impact You Want.

00:13:05: Emotional self-leadership Is not about being nice all time or being tough all the time.

00:13:14: It's about being intentionally impactful, ideally all the

00:13:19: times.".

00:13:20: So this simple formula is name it, pause it choose it.

00:13:26: Name it.

00:13:27: what am I feeling?

00:13:29: Pause it.

00:13:30: don't react automatically and choose it.

00:13:35: What impact do i want idea for you in the next two weeks?

00:13:42: Notice your emotional trigger when you feel triggered in a moment.

00:13:47: Do it in the moment, notice it reflected right away not just today after but maybe also day-after.

00:13:53: But reflect right away what is triggering me and then name it pause It And choose it.

00:14:01: by the way should you be?

00:14:02: should this topic?

00:14:03: Be interesting?

00:14:05: Should you be interested in getting input on emotion or how to create an environment at your workspace that you want, How to create the leadership culture you want.

00:14:18: How to help teams in your entire organization To just get stronger results by better leadership Stronger teams or a better strategy implementation?

00:14:27: It would be my pleasure and the pleasure of My partners... ...to spend whatever fifteen twenty-twenty five minutes with You At Your discretion Just to exchange and see whether with a simple conversation we might be able to give you one idea that helps you move on.

00:14:44: If your interested, You'll find the link into our calendars in show notes of this podcast looking forward To meeting you.

00:14:52: So In a nutshell To close it Name It Pause it Choose it!

00:14:58: You can't always control what happens But you CAN control How YOU respond.

00:15:07: That's where leadership starts.

00:15:11: I hope you enjoyed it, thank you for your time and look forward to you dialing in into the Lightwolf Leadership Podcast again soon!

00:15:18: Take care and have a great week.